I'm not on the Dark Side, I'm on My Side
by Fanfic Authors' Fanfic Author
Summary: Feminism in magic is really under-represented. Why are all the great Dark Mages men? Maybe that explains why they're all idiots and so easy to overthrow? Well think again - here's the Sorceress!
1. Introduce yourself, Mal!

My parents were Muggles, of course, but they knew all about this magic stuff. My father's childhood friend had discovered he was a wizard while he was with my father at a movie, and of course he told my mother everything. She thought it was cool, although her father was a minister and naturally would think it devil-worship. When I was born, and my father's friend sensed the humongous amounts of Dark power in me, she had a religious relapse and tried to exorcise it. All that happened was that I got really angry, and every single piece of glass in the whole neighbourhood shattered. After that she gave up and named me Glenda.  
  
Glenda, I ask you! As soon as I was one, and talking properly, I made everyone call me Malgotha - much nicer. I spent an enjoyable four years torturing small animals (without being anywhere near them of course), but eventually my parents got suspicious so I decided to move on to greater things. I tortured kids at kindy for a while, but that wasn't much fun either - there are only so many times you can make them squirm in their seats, or get into trouble for seeing things which aren't really there or hitting someone for no readily apparent reason, and still find it amusing.  
  
Around age seven I took over the world. I reached as far back into the past as I could manage at the time, and discovered to my pleasant surprise the Heir of Slytherin attending a prestigious Wizard school called Hogwarts. I fiddled with his emotions for his whole life, playing with his anger, hate and jealousy, guiding his power and giving him metaphorical elbow nudges when he was about to do something monumentally stupid. He would have been just another irritating little Darkie, plotting and scheming in corners, but I made him great.  
  
Then I grew out of it - all that childish torturing and Muggle hunting. So boring. Muggles are no sport; they can't even tell if you're messing with their heads. More fun taking candy from a baby if the baby's a wizard. Then I wondered what this Voldemort could achieve on his own. After all, I may be the greatest Dark Mage in the world, but I'm not the only one. I looked through the future birth records, slipped into a silly old Diviner's head and gave a nicely mysterious prophecy about some kid, knocked up a little magic mirror and sat back to watch. And what does the idiot do the minute I'm not there to help him? He goes and attacks the freaking kid! Not only that, but he accidentally MARKS him!  
  
Honestly, the plain stupidity of some people. I knew better than to Mark my enemies at age four, when I didn't HAVE any enemies! I took a closer look at the kid, and found that he would have been fairly powerful even without the Mark, but it put a lot of the power stripped from Voldemort into him, as well as the nice little protective charm his mother died for.  
  
At this point it occurred to me to wonder what had happened to Voldemort himself. I went and had a look and found that despite the backfired Kedavra his soul was still hanging around somewhere. Obviously all that protection I'd given him, as well as what he cast himself in his paranoia (although I expect I caused that, too), combined with the weakness of the spell after it pushed so much power into the kid to keep Voldemort here as a spirit, not even a proper ghost. Stupid bugger.  
  
I chased him into a deep wood and left him there as punishment. Let him possess snakes if he isn't smart enough to get out! He did teach me something though. With the right combination of powers, even the Killing Curse doesn't actually, you know, kill. That was the catalyst for my "Cower, brief mortals" phase, complete with theatrical black fire and whatnot. Scared the hell out of my parents, who had more or less kept out of my way since the Principal's Underwear Incident, not to mention the time I persuaded a demon to possess granddad's false teeth and bite people's fingers. They tried to pack me off to Hogwarts, but I threw a tantrum. And when I throw a tantrum, it STAYS thrown.  
  
So I stayed at Muggle School, where of course I was the best at everything. I wasn't friends with anyone though - I looked around their heads in kindy, and skimmed through again a few times after, and none of them was worth bothering about. At age fourteen I came to terms with death, gave up trying to break through Nicholas Flamel's shields (after all he'd had 600 years to get good at it) and decided I was going to have as much fun as I possibly could before I went.  
  
I mentally slipped into all the older classes, looked through the teachers' notes and read college textbooks, and by my fifteenth birthday I had learned all Muggles had to teach me. On holidays I explored my own magic, working out what I could do with it. Here, the Muggle library was very helpful. Amazing, the things they can come up with when they don't know we exist. I taught myself to apparate and turned my hair black with a bespelled comb. My eyes were already purple, and they looked much better with black than they did with blonde.  
  
A small black salamander came out of my chimney one day and said hello, so I melded a falcons wings onto it, made them fireproof, gave it a flickering mane of black fire and adopted it as my familiar. I named it Muesli. Once I was certain there was nothing more to learn at home, I ran away. I dare say my parents were glad to see me go, even if all of mum and grandma's black clothing, jewellery and make-up disappeared with me. Of course I had to alter it all to fit and show more, or less, in the case of the nightie I got by accident.  
  
I went and talked to Muesli's Dragon cousins in the Solomon Isles, taught myself to breathe fire without burning my hair off, danced with the Veela in France and had tea with the Ice Queen in Belarus, followed by a quick visit to Hades to chat with Persephone and skinny dip in the Styx. That made my skin nicely pale to go with my hair, so I went to America and modelled Gothic for a while. I suppose it was cheating that I made my eyelashes grow magically, used the Ice Queen's crystal spell to make my cheeks look blue where other girls used blush, spelled my feet to not quite touch the ground like the Veela do and made myself an invisible push up bra, but hey, that's life. The one where I posed in a black bikini with Muesli on my shoulder caused quite a stir (although of course they think it's digital animation).  
  
By now I was seventeen - I should have been twenty, but I spent longer underground than I realised, and of course you don't age there. I had a brief liaison with a charming Spanish man, but I accidentally Froze him in a... uncomfortable position... and then forgot about him, so he ran away. Can't think why. I wondered what was going on in the regular, boring Wizard world, so I apparated in Diagon Alley and bought a copy of the Daily Prophet. It was full of things about The Boy Who Lived, which on closer observation turned out to be the very kid that Voldemort's curse backfired off. Wow.  
  
I checked on Voldemort then, and imagine my surprise when I found that he had gotten himself a new body! Silly fool was smarter than I thought. I went to visit him, and had a run in with his snake, which suggested that I kill Harry Potter. He'd spent so much time possessing the beautiful thing it thought exactly the way he did! I was tempted to take it up with the animal rights league. Still, that did make me a tad curious about this Potter person, so I lied about my age, called myself Samantha Daniels and enrolled in Hogwarts as a Student Teacher (of Defence Against the Dark Arts of course).  
  
Luckily the new teacher (the others kept having nasty accidents, odd, that) was a bit dull, and had been hired for the sole reason of his word-perfect ness in the facts and figures involved. So a bit of help was not unwelcome. I arrived there one cold September morning in a magically enhanced black top, jeans and a rather nice flowing black cloak. I slipped in unnoticed despite Muesli; people seemed to assume I was a student! Hah. Nice place though. Could definitely do with some extra bats, but I'm not complaining. Interesting effects in the hall, too. The students were having dinner. I'd checked all this out with a Gaze on the wind, and felt it was time to make my entrance.  
  
The doors swung open... 


	2. Arrival

I lov Redheads w/ Fangs: Uh, yeah. Here ya go.  
  
Foureyedsnail: Cool. Just don't rip off my ideas and everything will be fine. Of course, I'm aiming for bigger fish than Voldemort - in his case he isn't stupid because he's male, he's stupid because he's an idiot.  
  
Queen of Zan: Yeah, I figured I was long overdue an actual plot. Although the first chapter was by way of being an introduction.  
  
Disclaimer: I DO own Mal! I do, I do! Yessss! I don't mind about not owning Harry Potter, the poser, but I wish I owned Oliver Wood. Or Inuyasha... mmm... but I'm straying off the topic. I own Mal and unfortunately Professor Battye. Thank you very much.  
  
"Wait for me!" Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived and in sixth year, ran to catch up with Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Hurry up, we're gonna miss the Sorting again!" Ron called.  
  
Getting his breath back, Harry followed his friends through the door to the Great Hall. It had been an uneventful summer and an uneventful train ride - he almost felt hopeful for a blissfully uneventful year. Almost.  
  
"Hey, there's some weird old bugger asleep at the table and Snape's staring daggers at him! He must be our new DADA teacher!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
Hermione looked at him critically. "Can't say he looks very interesting. Still, he has to be an improvement on Umbridge. But there's an empty chair... and all the teachers are here. I wonder..."  
  
"Quiet!"  
  
The students calmed down slightly as the sorting hat was brought out. Harry was looking forward to it - he'd only heard its song twice.  
  
"A power grows, a power fades Yet Gryffindor shall still stand brave Should fire blacken all the soil Still faithful Hufflepuff would toil No matter when nor where you look See Ravenclaw stuck in a book If all the world had sprung a leak Still Slytherin would plot and sneak Unchanged by Time, our houses fine Live by the code and peace is thine Yet sometimes change is forced upon And then rely on difference For no one house alone can stand Without each other none make sense Cast off your walls and chained minds And peace in friendship you shall find!"  
  
After a seconds silence, murmurs spread through the hall. Just like the year before, the hat had spoken of unity. It was rumoured that it did this whenever Hogwarts was threatened. The sorting was quickly finished and the first years stumbled to their house tables with looks of awe upon their faces. Then Dumbledore stood up.  
  
"Welcome, all. Before we begin our feast, I would like to introduce Professor Battye, the new teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts. Professor... oh, someone wake up Professor Battye, please."  
  
The wrinkled gentleman was quietly shaken awake. "Hmm? Ah, yes, root of snapdragon can also be used to ward off rebel pixies. Little-known fact, that." He then fell back asleep.  
  
"Ah," said Dumbledore, "Our esteemed professor appears to have had a long journey. Fortunately for those who need to catch up after last years... events, he is, when awake, a walking encyclopaedia of obscure Defence facts. To assist him in the practical application of his knowledge, we also have a student teacher this year."  
  
A second wave of whispers spread through the hall. A student teacher?  
  
"We've never had one of those before!" Harry whispered. "I didn't even know Wizards had them!"  
  
"That must be who the empty chair is for!" Hermione said.  
  
Dumbledore motioned for silence. "Samantha Malory Daniels is going to be Student Teacher of DADA this year, and she is due any minute now..."  
  
With this everyone turned to stare at the doors, which, as if in response to their curiosity, swung open...  
  
There, framed in the light of the candles, was a young woman dressed in black. Her cloak and her black hair streamed out behind her, and her violet eyes flashed mysteriously as half the male population of Hogwarts fell in love with her instantly.  
  
"What is that thing on her shoulder?" Whispered Hermione to Ron, who clicked his jaw back into place and said: "Uh? What- oh, that. Uh..."  
  
"Ah, this appears to be her," Dumbledore said smoothly, "Welcome, Ms Daniels, please come up and have a seat. We are about to start dinner."  
  
She walked through the hall without glancing at the students, although the... thing, on her shoulder, was looking around curiously. As she passed their table Hermione said "I think it's a Salamander, a black one. Only it has wings..."  
  
Suddenly the witch turned towards the Gryffindor table. Apparently she had better ears than most. "It's called Muesli," she said, smiling briefly, which caused most of the male jaws at the table to drop yet again. Then she went and sat down, and food appeared on the tables. A buzz of conversation began to rise.  
  
"Wow," Harry breathed. "I mean... wow!"  
  
"I agree with you totally," said Ron appreciatively.  
  
Hermione sniffed disapprovingly. "She is a teacher, you know."  
  
"Admit you're jealous, though," said Lavender. "Look at her hair!"  
  
Hermione sighed.  
  
Over at the Slytherin table, Blaise Zabini grinned and nudged his friend. "She's a looker, ay Draco? Know her?"  
  
Draco Malfoy raised an eyebrow at him. "Why?"  
  
"Well, you know. She looks a bit... dark. I mean... I thought... yor dad... uh...?"  
  
There was silence. The air twanged.  
  
"Um."  
  
The rest of the table looked awkward and studiously ignored the imprint Blaise's face made in the pie. 


	3. First Class

The students cautiously walked into the DADA classroom. They were disappointed to find no Miss Daniels - just old Professor Battye snoring behind the desk. They chose their seats, and all turned to look at the door.  
  
"I wonder what's taking her so long" Hermione whispered.  
  
There was a voice from the back of the room. "Who are we waiting for exactly?"  
  
Everyone turned around, and there she was, sitting in the farthest desk, smiling slightly. "Uh" said everyone.  
  
She stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. "You all know my name - you can call me Mal, what with not being a professor and all. So... I see the good professor isn't quite ready to begin - why don't we all get to know each other?" She flashed a smile like a tiger's and carefully eased a sheet of paper out from under the Professor's hands. "Ah... hm. I see you've had remarkable bad luck in teachers - four out of five, actually. Let's see, two were servants of Voldemort and are dead, one was a complete and utter pillock and has lost his memory and the other was a dominating bureaucrat who was attacked by centaurs. Interesting. Ah, and I see the werewolf only taught you about creatures of the night - an area which, I must say, ought to have been covered by your Care of Magical Creatures teacher."  
  
Harry and Ron exchanged angry glances - she had just put down Lupin and Hagrid! However, she then continued:  
  
"Well, we're not about to be attacked by enraged pixies in this class. We'll be working on defence against dark wizards, as this seems a tad more relevant to the current situation. Hands up all who know the expelliaramus spell. Shield charm? Impediment jinx?" She went through a list of defensive spells as most people put their hands up, having been in the DA last year or, in the Slytherins case, being either dark enough to know these things (eg Malfoy) or really, really thick (like Crabbe and Goyle).  
  
"Oh goody. Then we can get started on the creative stuff. If we get stuck we can always wake Professor Battye up. Now then, first off-"  
  
"Excuse me, miss" drawled Malfoy. "You don't seem to have your wand."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "So?"  
  
"Oh come on, you can't do magic without a wand!"  
  
"Is that so, mister... Malfoy?" She smiled and began to pace the front of the room, "Well, here's an interesting fact - wands are quite a recent development, originally invented by fairies for magic-focusing purposes. In the old days, a wizard would have a staff - useful for storing up magic, but cumbersome to carry around. Witches, on the other hand, used... their hands," here she absently raised hers and Malfoy, startled, floated up to the ceiling, "Or a piece of string..." She picked some twine up off the desk and tied a knot in it as she talked, spinning Malfoy around crazily, "Or-" She turned "Just... their minds..."  
  
Malfoy fell back into his chair. She smiled at him. "Still think you can't do magic without a wand, Malfoy? I haven't even begun to mention potions, divination or the various uses of runes. Or don't those count as magic?"  
  
Malfoy just gaped at her, along with the rest of the class. Harry glanced at Hermione, and the look in her eyes somewhat reminded him of the one she got upon finding a new book at the library.  
  
"Well? Why isn't anyone writing this down?"  
  
They all got out their quills.  
  
***  
  
As they wrote, Mal handed out sheets of paper. When they all finished writing, she said: "Right, this is an outline of the course you're supposed to be following. Mr Battye and I have made some modifications, and will make some more after this class as it is evident you are all competent at basic defence spells and recognizing dark creatures.  
  
"Our first topic will be titled Spell for the Situation. I have no idea who thought up that name, but the idea is sound - because for every fix you may get into there are a number of spells you could use, and it is wise to have all of them at hand in your memory so that you can choose the most useful."  
  
Harry nodded thoughtfully, remembering the Triwizard tournament, when he and the other contestants each used different methods to beat the dragon. Of course, the others methods hadn't even occurred to him at the time. However, he could see Malfoy raising his eyebrows at Blaise Zabini and knew that they were going to be trouble makers this year, as they had with all the good teachers.  
  
Mal also appeared to have realised this - she strode over to the teachers desk, saying "I see some of you are less than convinced - this is good. You should always question statements for which you have not seen proof." She shook Professor Battye's shoulder gently.  
  
"Snoooooooooorhtht! Mmm? Whassat? Do I have a class?"  
  
"Don't worry, Professor, I've got it under control."  
  
"Ah, jolly good. Mmm, carry on then. I say, did you know that Balrogs love the smell of orchids? Like catnip, mmm. Interesting fact, that. Hmm- snooorht"  
  
With that he slid further down in the chair and began to snore again.  
  
Mal smiled. "Ah, the benefits of a narcoleptic encylopedia. Well, now. Let's say one of us was suddenly in the middle of the forest with an enraged Balrog. All we know about them is that they're dangerous and what the Professor told us - that they hate orchids. Even with those measly bits of information, we have several options available to us. Neville Longbottom, name the first one."  
  
Neville jerked up in surprise. "Uh... look around for some orchids?"  
  
Pansy Parkinson sniggered loudly, however Mal appeared not to notice.  
  
"Well, that is a rather obvious conclusion. In fact I rather think that if there were any orchids in the immediate vicinity, the Balrog would not be a problem. ...yes, Ms... Granger?"  
  
Hermione's hand had been up since Neville answered. "Miss, you could use the accio charm to summon some orchids!"  
  
Mal smiled. "Well, that is ONE option. However, I wouldn't say it was the first one. No, the first one is in fact the rather obvious action of getting the hell out of there with all speed. Why are you looking so surprised? I for one have no interest in sparring with angry monsters, and if for some reason I couldn't apparate - why, I have legs, do I not?"  
  
Ron whispered to Harry: "Wow, this is useful."  
  
"Shh," he whispered back. "There might be more."  
  
"Indeed there is, Potter."  
  
"Huh?" (she HEARD me??)  
  
"If, for example, the Balrog were guarding something you need, and you must get past it, you could, as Ms Granger said, use the accio charm. Now say, for example, you are not in a forest, but rather in a dungeon. There are no orchids in accio-reach. At this point, you could do this-" She picked up Seamus's wand from his desk and pointed at the floor. "Florius orchida!"  
  
A bouquet of orchids appeared on the floor. The class gaped at it.  
  
"Sorry I borrowed your wand, but I'm not supposed to be teaching this class wandless magic, just informing you of its existence. Now, another spell you could use in an enclosed space is this: Orchidus nasium!"  
  
The room was immediately filled with an overpowering scent of orchids. Mal placed the wand back on Seamus's desk.  
  
"So there you have it - one random fact, three different spells. If you were me, or one of my advanced final-year students and had lost your wand, you could also achieve something by staring into the Balrog's eyes and thinking hard about orchids. Oh, and there goes the bell. Homework is to find out one thing about wandless magic you didn't know and learn one new defensive spell of your choice - preferably one the rest of the class already knows, I'd like you all on the same level. See you tomorrow!"  
  
And with that, she left. The room was silent except for the persistent sounds of Battye's snores and Hermione's quill scratching across the parchment. The former suddenly stopped.  
  
"Mmmm?" Said Professor Battye, opening one eye. "Eh, class dismissed."  
  
***********  
  
WHY is she here? WHAT is she planning? And WHY did Dumbledore hire Battye in the first place?  
  
*******  
  
Reviews(pathetic amount)  
  
Foureyedsnail: Yeah, I'll do that for the next one  
  
COME ON PEOPLE!!!! 


	4. Thoughts on Dark Creatures

Veld: That was by way of being a "dun dun duuuun" sort of thing. I see it backfired.  
  
Queen of Zan: It's called narcolepsy. See above.  
  
Foureyedsnail: Ur... so what was IN it? I always thought wands were sissy.  
  
Adele Starminster: That would be too obvious, ne ce pas?  
  
I lov Redheads w/ Fangs: Eh? What stuff do you think in class?  
  
****************  
  
All kids had monsters under the bed while they were growing up. The difference is, mine were real. I summoned them. I've always liked Dark creatures - they're really interesting. I mean, I know unicorns and things are all cute and pure, but that gets boring after a while. When they're UN pure, there are always all these knots to unravel if you want to understand them. That's interesting.  
  
But I'm not like those stupid Dark wizards - I don't hate all pure things for their purity. I just don't spend much time on them. Besides, not all pure things are boring. Phoenixes, for instance, are VERY interesting. Beautiful, and interesting. For example, the golden patterns of flame on their feathers shift around, like real fire. I spent a while learning to do that - it wasn't very useful, but it sure was pretty.  
  
But then, fire magic has always been something I liked. I once blew up the muggle school science lab. I was playing with a flame, moving it through the air, seeing how close you can get it to things without them exploding - well, I found out about nitro-glycerine too late. The explosion itself was awesome. It didn't hurt me, of course - the heat just bled into my magic. But it is the coolest feeling to spin through the flames, and lift up your hand to see fire glowing around it, dancing on your fingertips. Of course I then had to become invisible and get the hell out of there, because the teachers had arrived to put the fire out (spoilsports) and I REALLY didn't want them to see me walk out of a blazing inferno unharmed. It would have been fun to see the looks on their faces, though.  
  
Ice magic is also fun, but it isn't so free. Crystals and shards don't flow, like fire does. Still, I prefer it for the purposes of impressing people - the Ice Queen has that down pat, alright. When cold crackles in your wake and grass dies in your footsteps, and people looking into your eyes feel a chill to their very bones... it isn't me, though. I'm a fire girl, always have been, always will be. I'm afraid it shone through in class. I had a very good Ice entrance, and I started that way in the classroom, too, but I soon got carried away with the wandless thing.  
  
Ice and fire aren't the only types of magic, of course. Water magic is as free as fire magic, though not so beautiful, but it's rather hard to use on land, just as fire is hard to use underwater. Plant magic, that's a bit too peaceful for my liking. I'm a very active kind of person, and if a plant is to grow properly it needs time - if you make it grow fast with a spell it will die very soon, and if you use raw magic, like me, you have to give it such a large supply to feed on that it's really not worth it. I think those are the major magical elements. Oh, yes, there's also wind magic. I'm quite good with that, but it's difficult to control - so is fire, but with fire you don't need to control it. I generally use wind magic to supplement my ice magic - for ruffling hair and banging doors open dramatically and suchlike. I can also travel on it - I spent a while studying the spells that go into broomsticks, and they aren't that hard to adapt.  
  
I suppose you think I've missed thought magic. I haven't - it just doesn't really fit into those categories. You see, magic began simply as a raw elemental force, and that was before humans could think - and after all, animals don't think, so we're really in the minority. Now, emotions, that's different. That's just chemicals, really - I could always play with them by instinct. It was great for calming my mother down when I did something weird. I mean, I can mess with people's thoughts, too - after all, I am the greatest dark mage in the world - but honestly it's easier to just stick to the emotions. They're good rewarders and punishers, and they often come out of nowhere, leave no trace and start up very slowly, so it isn't suspicious. When you insert a thought into someone's brain, it leaves a mark that other wizards can later follow up - I can to some extent disguise the thought among the real ones, but if it's too different from what the person could have thought anyway it's very easy to trace.  
  
I'm also adept at all the minor elemental magicks - electricity, magnetism, blood, stone, there are dozens of them. And of course I can use a wand, too - good for intricate little details. After all, it was fairies who invented them, and fairies started out quite little. Most of their magic came from dancing - intricate little steps and cross steps in mid-air with all six dimensions playing a part. And they could draw magic from fireflies, too. When they grew bigger they could handle larger amounts of magic at a time, but these were more apt to get out of control and needed more and more concentration to maintain. So they began snapping twigs from rose-bushes and coating them in honey-dust, and thus were able to grow quite large without having to stop concentrating on breathing in order to concentrate on magic, and now there are over twenty five species of fairy, of varying sizes. They never grew larger than a very short human - it was humans who perfected the technique of wand-making.  
  
Of course you can see size makes a lot of difference in magic. Fairies are small, have the best control but little power build-up - they use natures magic to supplement their own because they can't fit much into their tiny bodies. Giants, on the other hand, have no control over their magic whatsoever - luckily it is almost always completely used up in keeping their massive bodies from collapsing, as is most of their brain-power. Humans are the best size for magic-use, of course. We can store quite large amounts of magic within ourselves, and more in surrounding objects like knotted string and staves, and we can also develop sufficient control for detailed spells, although never as detailed as a fairy can manage. I suppose the price we pay is that not all humans can use it.  
  
Where was I? Oh, yes, dark creatures. Yes, I had a lot of fun with them. I once found a Bogart, attached a vision spell to it and started teleporting it around the neighbourhood at random. It's amazing, the things our old neighbours were scared of. Yeah, I was going through a practical jokes phase then. I dressed an evil little blue Scottish pixie in a pink bonnet and put it outside the train station in a pram. You should have seen the muggle passersby go "ooh, howEEEEEK!!" Heheheh. Then a wizard looked in, got a shock and took it away. I hope they were pretty puzzled about that one at the Ministry!  
  
Okay, so I still like practical jokes. 


	5. Would the Plot Thicken Already?

Sorry, it's been ages, I really just can't be bothered. You ought to see the state of my other stories!  
  
Foureyedsnail: Teehee, thank you blush however if I always wrote in first person I'd never get anywhere - I keep digressing. And, seeing as for some reason you've reviewed last chapter twice, I assume the second review WASN'T lost...  
  
Thank you other reviewers:  
  
DiggaDigga and ... uh, there weren't any others... bloody hell, you people!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character mentioned in the books, but Mal is mine, mine I tell you! Oh, yeah, and Battye... er... I reckon I'll have to give him hidden depths... yeah, hidden depths, that's it!

* * *

"Okay, so I still like practical jokes..." Harry opened his eyes, wondering at the words that had run through his mind. The dream, which was fading even as he grasped at it, had felt like someone walking through a library in his head, pulling out books and flipping through them until the shelves sucked them back in. It had been vaguely disturbing.  
  
"Wake up, sleepyhead," Ron yelled, flinging open Harry's curtains, "We'll be late for breakfast!  
  
The students waited outside the classroom. There seemed to be an inordinate amount of sniggering going on in the Slytherin group.  
  
Hermione poked Harry in the ribs. "Here she comes! We should warn her, I bet they're up to something!"  
  
Harry shook his head silently. As he did so, Mal approached, and an expectant hush grew over Draco and his friends. She put her hand on the doorknob...  
  
Suddenly Hermione jumped forward. "Miss, don't go in there!"  
  
Mal looked startled. "What? Is there something dangerous? Don't worry, I can take care of it." And with that she opened the door.  
  
She was immediately showered with green and purple fire, which promptly began to eat through the floor and doorframe... but it seemed, where it fell on her, to cling harmlessly and burn brighter, as though it liked her. She looked up and raised her eyebrows. "Interesting," she commented, reaching down and beckoning to the fire on the floor, which immediately jumped to her hand. "Who thought of it?"  
  
There was a general looking around and innocent smiling among the Slytherins. Mal shrugged. "Modesty? Very well then." She drew all the fire off herself - somehow it seemed reluctant to go - and tossed it over her shoulder. It immediately flew to Draco Malfoy, who shrieked and raised his hands. However, instead of burning him, it melted into his hands, momentarily turning them a sort of greenish purple.  
  
"Ah," Mal said with a smile, "Well, it just goes to show. I didn't think you'd be the modest type from my first impression. Five points to Slytherin for ingenuity." She walked into the classroom.  
  
The class gaped at her - which, as they were already gaping, caused some of them sever discomfort.  
  
Mal turned quizzically. "Well? Aren't you coming in?"  
  
"B-but..." Hermione said uncertainly, before Ron elbowed her in the ribs and gave her a warning glance. "Oh, fine then. Come on. I just wanted to know how she did it..."  
  
The class trooped in, looking gingerly at the doorframe, which appeared to be intact, and sat down. Professor Battye was snoring at his desk.  
  
Draco snorted. "Look at him, the big git. I don't know why Dumbledore hired him in the first place - all he does is sleep."  
  
Mal turned around and said: "Mr Malfoy, I'll take those points I just gave you right back if you continue to show disrespect for a teacher. I'll have you know that Professor Battye was a top Auror in his day, and whatever his present condition as regards to consciousness he still has an exceptionally brilliant mind."  
  
The class stared at Battye, who chose that particular moment to let out a tremendous snore.  
  
"He was an Auror?" Ron said incredulously.  
  
"A consultant Auror." Mal amended. "What, didn't you know about them? Yes, he was more like the Spanish Inquisition than the witch-hunters. Mainly did desk-work and interrogation - didn't like to get his feet wet, but he knew every obscure fact there was to know about dark wizards - other Aurors with specific assignments would come to him, ask him a question, he'd think a bit and then give them a solution, just like that. Amazing memory. He did experiments all the time, too. Does Wolfsbane works against werewolves all the time or just at full moon? Can a vampire live on sheep's blood instead of human blood, or at least blood from fresh corpses instead of living people? Just how much power does a curse lose when it rebounds off a shield? He even invented a device to measure magical intensity, I've got one here somewhere."  
  
"Wow," Harry whispered to Hermione, "A consultant Auror? That's so cool."  
  
"You know," said Ron thoughtfully, "He could be really helpful with homework - we just wake him up and ask him something, and he's bound to know it."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, and raised her hand. "Miss, how many kinds of Aurors are there, anyway?"  
  
Mal looked thoughtful. "Well, yes, some Defence students do tend to want to be Aurors... let me see... Okay, there's your basic go-get' em Auror, brave, smart, strong anti-curser, you know the lot. Then there's the previously mentioned consultant slash research Auror, who are often also Interrogators, good at bluffing, truth spells and stopping people from using magic - in the old days they'd sometimes use torture, too, but now of course they know that they can't do much to them Voldemort hasn't already done. Um, there are Seers there, working specifically to predict the next place a dark wizard will strike, oh and of course there are the Medics, who Heal fighting Aurors and make sure no-one dies on a simple job. They hang back in a fight unless they're really necessary, but they have to be able to deflect a curse with their back turned while up to their elbows in some- ones radioactive liver, so there's a lot of pluck necessary there as well as medical knowledge. That's about it, unless you count the beaurocrats, which I don't."  
  
Ron, who had been caught up in the tale with the rest of the class, looked down and saw Hermione scribbling furiously. "Why are you writing this down?"  
  
"It might come in handy."  
  
"Now," Mal said brightly, "Everyone take out your homework. Come on, I'll take five points off anyone that doesn't hand it in."  
  
Harry bit his nails. "Darn, I haven't finished mine."  
  
"Oh, give it here," Hermione whispered impatiently. "Let's see... yes, and- there. That should do. You won't get full marks, mind," She added disapprovingly.  
  
Harry grinned at her. "Thanks!"

* * *

Everyone had left. She walked to the desk he had been sitting at and scraped something off it, then shook Battye's shoulder. "Come on you deaf old bugger, we don't have any classes till after lunch." 


End file.
